It’s odd the things that make you nervous, isn’t it? Perhaps you are one of those who can stand up in front of a million people without a care in the world but the thought of taking a train into a crowded city fills you with the sort of dread one usually reserves for vivid nightmares (although I have been on trains with what seems like a million people in what is obviously a nightmare-turned-real and felt nothing but incandescent rage, but that’s how life is sometimes). Maybe you dread tests of any kind, with the possible exception of those ones in magazines which try to determine if you are a claustrophobic banana or dynamite in bed or claustophobically dynamite with a banana or something.
Two things have caused me to break out in a cold sweat recently: the prospect of telephoning, then actually speaking to, the IRS in Pennsylvania in the States and the prospect of publishing a blog. The former I’ll tell you about another time; the latter is happening now.
As a fledgling author, I was quite nervous about publishing my first novel and I think it is the same type of anxiety that I am feeling now as I watch the clouds coming across the rooftops, threatening the almost springlike sun. I guess it is the idea that someone might actually read this, coupled with the desire that everyone should read this that makes me nervous. As Todd Snider once sung: “Tension”. He sung other great stuff too – check him out.
I am one of those people who, having done something once, tend to lose the nerves quickly. The first time I played in a band, when the gig was over, I couldn’t remember a single thing about the first half and only edited highlights about the second. The next time I played, I remembered every ghastly mistake and wrong note. Where were my nerves when I needed them?
Well, I’m nearly done and I feel calm and at peace: partly because I have just written my first blog, but mostly because its time for a cup of tea. And because the sun has defied the clouds. And because no one will really read this, will they?